funeral – Janet Foggie

The Power of an Anniversary

Red rowan berries hanging in a cluster from the plant. The leaves of the tree are green behind them.

For me August is a time of passing anniversaries. It is the month when berries ripen, and the vegetable garden bears its best produce. The berries of the rowan feed the birds, and also plant new trees, bringing new life into the world. The further I move from the bereavements themselves, the more this is a time to consider the fruit, or legacy I was left by the ones I have loved and lost. It is a month when I can think upon them as a part of my ongoing life. There was a time when the anniversary was a raw and hard event, a turning of a year, two years, which seemed to make the separation more real, more permanent, and perhaps, harder to accept.

Like the bramble, or blackberry, the plant has the fruit which are the sweetness of happy memories also has the thorns of the pain of remembrance and loss. It’s still the same plant that carries both, and sometimes the fruit is unripe and bitter, at others it is full and sweet. Perhaps, when we grieve, all these feelings are mixed together.

Brambles - or blackberries, in a cluster of ripe and unrip fruit amongst their leaves and thorns.

I wonder if there is a month which holds special anniversaries for you? And how you might mark that event. Do you get together with friends or family? Cook a dish your loved one enjoyed or set aside some time to commemorate them or celebrate their legacy to you. There’s no rules on how to mourn, no set pattern or blueprint to follow, but the anniversary may be a prompt to you to think on your bereavement journey in a new way, or to consider that loss in a new light. Whether it is 50 years since you lost that special person, or just one, the anniversary is a way of marking their passing in your own life, if you wish to do that, it is an opportunity, nothing more.

Poetry For Funerals

There’s a wide range of poetry resources for funerals available online. You are most welcome to chose a poem which you would like read by me, or for a family member to read a poem or piece of prose at the service. If you would like a more personalised choice of poem, or some assistance in selecting a poem, speak to me about the resources available.

Some funeral poems speak about the moment of loss, or a vision of life after death. Others are more personal to the individual, perhaps a poem about interests you and your loved one shared, or something special that brings that person to mind.

It’s also possible for me to write Words of Gratitude for your own loved one which are personal and unique and which add that element of shared celebration of all that they were to those who have gathered for the service in the room, or online. These can easily be tied to a theme, such as cooking, or knitting, motorcycle riding, woodworking, gardening anything that’s appropriate for this service.

To hear a sample of me reading a poem suitable for a funeral click on the video below, where I am reading ‘God’s Garden’ by Dorothy Frances Gurney. This is a poem about finding faith in nature rather than in a conventional church setting.

Losing a Loved One

There’s no words to fully express the emotions we feel when we lose a loved one. There are so many different ways a death affects us, whatever the circumstances of that loss. This is why no two grieving stories are the same and no two funerals should be the same. Key to my services is that they are bespoke. This is your opportunity to say goodbye to your loved one, and so the words I speak will come from my meeting with you.

Resources

Glorious sunset, red, gold and deep blue to purple — Winter Sunrise

There are many resources available to help us find the right things to say in a service of commemoration or memorial. I can write or use poetry, and prose. We can sing or listen to music. We can incorporate prayer or words to create a time of silent contemplation as you wish.

Arrangements

As well as my input, other voices may be helpful for you, a reading or eulogy by a friend, colleague, or family member. It is useful to remember that a service at a crematorium may be as little as 20 minutes long, depending upon your choice of service, so we need to plan carefully to fit that time if we are taking one service at the crematorium. It may be, if more than one person wishes to speak, that two services would be better for your circumstances, a more private committal or internment, followed by a memorial or celebration of the life of your loved one in another venue of your choice. Be guided by your undertaker in how to co-ordinate this, or if you are organising the memorial or celebration yourself please contact me to discuss fees and arrangements.